Porn: Should We Call it an Addiction?
Why I Don’t Always Use the Word “Addiction” — But Still Believe It’s True
To be perfectly honest, I’m cautious about using the word addiction when talking about compulsive, problematic behaviors. It’s not because the term isn’t accurate—there’s a lot of truth to it—but because people often take it to one of two unhelpful extremes.
The first extreme is using the label addiction as a permission-giving belief. In moments of intense urges, someone might throw up their hands and say, “Oh well, I can’t help it—I’m addicted!” Then, when confronted by a hurt spouse or loved one, they deflect responsibility: “It’s not my fault, I’m wired this way.” This mindset reinforces the addiction and keeps people stuck.
The second extreme is internalizing the label in a way that leads to toxic shame and self-loathing. It sounds like: “I can’t believe I’m this kind of person. What would my wife, husband, mom, priest, etc. think if they knew?” This too can be paralyzing—and just like the first mindset, it keeps someone trapped.
In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), we call these types of thinking cognitive distortions—or sometimes stinking thinking. They twist reality to serve a hidden goal: continuing to act out, despite the consequences. These distortions often take pieces of truth and exaggerate them into “the whole truth,” all in service of staying stuck in the behavior.
So, why do I still believe it’s an addiction?
Because the evidence—both clinical and personal—is overwhelming. Compulsive porn use shows the same patterns and brain responses as substance addiction. In fact, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) outlines the characteristics of substance use disorders, which mostly apply to porn addiction:
Increased tolerance: needing more to achieve the same effect
Repeated, unsuccessful attempts to stop
Losing track of time while using or trying to use
Intense cravings and urges
Interference with major responsibilities (work, family, faith, etc.)
Continued use despite negative consequences
Withdrawal symptoms when not using
Porn addiction has its own unique features, but the underlying patterns are unmistakably similar. Neuroscience is also increasingly confirming this connection. You don’t have to dig too deep—just Google neuroscience and porn addiction and you’ll find more then enough information about this connection.
But more important than research or diagnoses is your own honest experience. Just Ask yourself:
Are you keeping your commitments? Have you made promises to stop, yet continue to use?
Are you okay with what you’re looking at or fantasizing about? Does it feel healthy to you?
Is this behavior serving you—or not? And if not, why can’t you just stop?
If stopping were simple, you wouldn’t be reading this right now.
So why does it matter what we call it?
Because when we’re honest with ourselves and name it for what it is, we can avoid both extremes—shame and excuse-making. Recognizing addiction doesn’t define your identity, and it doesn’t absolve you of responsibility. It’s just a more accurate way to understand what’s going on, so you can make better decisions and take meaningful steps forward.
If I’m an alcoholic, it would be unwise to keep a fridge full of cold beer in my bedroom. I don’t need to overthink it—it’s just a practical acknowledgment of my limits. Likewise, if I know I’m prone to acting out with porn in certain circumstances and environments then I need to account for that when making decisions. For example, it might not be a good idea for me to have my phone or computer in my bedroom at night. It’s probably not safe for me to watch Love Island. Or any number of situations and activities.
That doesn’t mean I’m a bad person or inferior or something. It just means I understand the kinds of environments and behaviors that increase my risk of relapse. In short, if we call it what it is in the right way, the label of addiction helps us make wiser choices—and follow through on them.
